


Where Did They Go?

by Liadt



Category: The Avengers (TV)
Genre: Established Relationship, F/M, Gen, Obscure and British Commentfest, obscure and british commentfest 2015
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-10
Updated: 2015-06-10
Packaged: 2018-04-03 19:12:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4111905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Liadt/pseuds/Liadt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mrs Peel and Steed wake up to find the hotel they are staying in is deserted.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Where Did They Go?

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the 'Obscure and British' commentfest on lj. From a prompt by mazephoenix: abandoned town, where did everybody go?.

Steed entered the bedroom carrying a tray of disappointment.

“Tea and toast? What happened to ‘The Works’ our jolly landlady promised for breakfast, when we checked in?” said Emma, sitting up in bed.

Mrs Peel looked delightful, with her dishevelled hair falling over her face, but when didn’t she, thought Steed, smiling fondly at her scowl.

“Do you remember remarking what a sleepy, little town Penny Haslet was last night?”

“I do.”

“It turns out it really is. I went downstairs to find out why we hadn’t received our wake-up call and found the Hotel deserted. I rustled this up myself,” said Steed, putting the tray down on the bedside table, next to Emma.

“Then this is a very fine spread indeed,” said Emma, spreading butter thickly on to a slice of toast. 

Steed sat on the edge of the bed and poured tea for them both. “I’m glad to hear it. Jumping out of bed and dashing to investigate a mysterious happening on an empty stomach would be most unwise.”

****

Steed and Emma were walking around the town square. There was not a soul to seen: it was as if the place had been abandoned.

“Where is everyone?” wondered Steed.

“It couldn’t have been a poisonous gas. There are no bodies anywhere and the birds are singing.”

“Most of the cars parked here last night have disappeared and the shops are safely locked up. Perhaps the town has taken a holiday?” suggested Steed.

“It was very rude of them not to mention the annual outing when we booked.”

“It was quite late. I’d phone to register a complaint, but the lines are dead.”

“Hmm, there’s a lot of town to cover to search for clues. We’d be more effective if we split up.”

“I couldn’t possibly allow you to go off on your own,” said Steed.

“Because you think it’s too dangerous?”

“Of course not. Look at our surroundings. The buildings are decidedly chocolate box. I’d only consider splitting up if we were in a spooky, crumbling, dark house or a creepy, ancient wood,” replied Steed, with an unruffled air.

“We passed a church up the road. I imagine it would have a graveyard. In the past they have proved to be where all the action is.”

****

Emma and Steed wandered back into the town centre downcast. They hadn’t found anything in the graveyard. There was a complete lack of people who were supposed to be dead coming back to life, heavies to knock into open graves or even a shifty looking vicar. They were passing a restaurant when they heard swearing coming from an alley next to it. They ran up the alley to find a tramp chasing a rat that had stolen a bread roll from her. The tramp stopped in her tracks when she saw the pair. She put her hands on her thighs and wheezed.

“Are you all right, Madam?” asked Steed, concerned.

“Nah, I’ll be fine. It’s the fumes from the bins I expect. The cabbage going off and that.” The lady of the road wiped her hands on her grubby, grey greatcoat and straightened up. “Can you spare a poor, ol’ woman a bite to eat?” she asked plaintively.

“I’ve nothing edible on me, but I have some coins in my purse,” offered Emma.

“Pretty polly? I don’t want that. There’s no use for it any more.”

“There isn’t?” asked Emma, furrowing her brow.

“Oh, you poor souls. You don’t know do you?”

Emma and Steel stared blankly at her.

“My ‘eart bleeds for you, it really does. I could’ve done with more kind folk like you before the bomb, but it’s all too late now.”

“The bomb?” said Steed.

“Yeah, them Commies have gone off their rockers and pushed the big red button. I don’t know how long you have ‘til it gets here. The rest of the town has flitted to hide in the bunker, underneath the big house, in the countryside. If you go now, you might just make it.”

“Would you like a lift with us?” asked Emma.

“Bless you, love, but I ain’t got nothing worth living for. If civilisation goes up the spout, there’ll be no restaurants with full bins. Nah, I’m getting some vittles and setting up opposite the bank for a last laugh.”

“What’s so amusing about the bank?” said Steed.

“It ain’t the bank. I saw a gang of ne’er-do-wells carrying tools in there. Drills and that sort off thing. As I said before cash’ll be worthless. I’m going to laugh my head off at them when they come out and I tell them they’ve been wasting their time. A big gang too - I counted about ten of them. A very professional operation if you ask me.”

Steed looked thoughtful at that piece of information. “I wouldn’t have thought a small country town’s bank would be worth ten robbers.”

“Heh, I’m betting they know what I know. My Ma used to be in service at the big house and they had lots of expensive things up there: silver, jewellery, paintings the lot. So expensive they made fakes and put the rest into safe deposit boxes for safekeeping. There’s not many that knows that,” the tramp said, tapping the side of her nose.

“If you don’t mind making your own lunch the hotel is unlocked. If you want to see the thieves getting their just desserts, I’d hurry back,” said Steed.

“You undercover coppers? I didn’t think you were normal people.”

“Something along those lines and I think reports of a nuclear whiteout are greatly exaggerated,” said Emma.

“I’d best be getting off then,” said the woman and scuttled past them to get her free dinner.

“I was hoping to have a day off from fighting diabolical masterminds,” said Steed, wearily.

“I’d rather have a night off than a day based on recent experience,” said Emma, with a sly smile.

“Mmm,” agreed Steed.

“And we’re not facing diabolical masterminds, but extraordinary bank robbers.”

“In that case I feel quite refreshed. A change is as good as a rest. Lead on to the vaults!” said Steed, striding back to the main road.

****

Emma and Steed nonchalantly strode down the steps inside the bank to the lower vault. The space they come into was a mess there was rubble and rock dust anywhere. Instead of trying to crack the safe’s lock, the raiders in uniforms had drilled through the wall of the vault. Two robbers outside of the inner vault were hunched over trying to work out how to fit a large, silver wine cooler into a bag. The rest were searching through safe deposit boxes, on the other side of the hole they had made in the wall.

“You are meant to put ice and into a cooler to chill wine bottles, not put it in to a bag,” tutted Emma.

The men’s heads jerked up to look at Emma. Emma and Steed moved forward and swiftly knocked them out. The others hearing the scuffle stopped what they were doing and came out of the safe to tackle them. The robbers had no weapons except for their fists. With the town’s population out of the way, they hadn’t seen the need to arm themselves. Steed and Emma were outnumbered, but their experience in unarmed combat meant they didn’t have any trouble in defeating their assailants. 

“You’ll never get away with this!” growled a swarthy man, with a pointy beard. Emma was tying him to a door made out of iron bars, using the cable from a drill.

“Aren’t we supposed to say that in your position? Technically you’re the baddies,” questioned Emma. 

“The rest of our crew are manning a road block and they’ll be back soon to help us cart off the loot.”

“I take it the nuclear warning was a ruse?” 

“Yeah and it would have been the perfect crime. Dress up in uniforms, knock out the phone lines, break in at our leisure and make our getaway before we sounded the all clear.”

“We’ve got a lovely siren,” added a bulky man, with a dopey expression.

“Yes, thank you, Les don’t tell ‘em everything will ya?” scowled the swarthy man.

“I thought you were,” replied Les mildly.

“Don’t worry we’re experts on working with very little information,” said Steed, checking all the robbers were securely bound. “If you’ll excuse us, we’ll leave you now to find your friends.” 

****  
“I’m ever so sorry I didn’t wake you up,” apologised the manageress of the hotel. She was sat in the back of Steed’s car racing down the hill to the hotel. After dealing with the guards on the roadblocks, Steed and Emma had travelled to the stately home, just outside Penny Haslet. When they arrived there they had told the townsfolk hiding in the bunker there was nothing to fear.

“I was terrified out of my wits, thinking this was it and I completely forgot I had booked you in.”

“Don’t apologise. If you want to make amends we were looking forward to experiencing ‘The Works’ as it’s too late for breakfast you could invite the ladies and gentlemen of the road to have our meal.”

“If that squares it with you I shall, but there are more than two tramps in this town,” the manageress said, doubtfully.

“Mrs Peel has a healthy appetite,” Steed informed her. “We are going to order room service and play nuclear bunkers; we feel we have quite missed out in spending a day hiding undercover.”


End file.
